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  • Team Oraan

Shaadi Ke Baad, How To Talk to Your Spouse About Money and Marriage

Shaadi, shaadi, shaadi. We talk about shaadis (weddings) incessantly in Pakistan. Weddings are the top height of cultural significance and importance outweighing any other achievements. However, though we focus a lot on the party, we do not talk enough about what is to come after, about how the merging of two lives, includes the merging of their finances.

Talking about combining finances with your husband (and sometimes your families) can feel strange and unnecessary, even taboo. But with finances being one of the top catalysts of marriage issues, it is a critical step in planning your future together.

Here are some tips and prompts to get the conversation rolling!

1. What are your money ideologies

One of the best first steps is understanding how both of you have developed a relationship with money. How did you grow up around it? Was it a topic your families discussed openly or not? Who made the financial decisions? Are you savers or spenders?

Questions like these open the door to understanding how you both approach money in the now and if your values around it align or will need some tweaking to best work together.

2. How do you stand financially now

Before you talk about money together, get a clear idea on how you currently stand with your money as an individual. Are you earning or not? Are you saving? Investing? Living paycheck to paycheck? Do you have any debt or a big loan that still needs to be paid off? Does your money stay with you or are you a contributor to your family’s household? Talk to each other about where you are now, and how this will be when you are together. This includes discussing if responsibilities you hold now will carry through to your marriage, if you plan on climbing higher in your career, taking breaks or planning to pursue studying.

3. What you spend on and you don’t want to stop spending on

Hey, being a person requires some upkeep and those can cost you! Are you a regular salon visitor? Do you enjoy buying new tech? Is shopping or eating out something you want built in to your lifestyle? Do you like spoiling your parents, siblings, friends? Discuss all of it to avoid surprises (and fights) later.

Everything should be negotiable between you two. No one should feel blindsided by the other person.

4. What do you want to achieve together

Do you want to have children? Move to a different city or even overseas for their career? Support your parents? Do you want to travel? Invest? Buy property? Do you want an emergency fund? Saving for your own health and that of the people you support?

How do you envision managing your finances together in the future in the day to day expenses and challenges?

These questions have answers that may evolve over time, which means making money a conversation that happens regularly is something you both should absolutely plan for. Money does not have to be scary and secretive, but something you tackle and build together.

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